Graduation season is here! As a parent, you may be experiencing a mix of emotions as you approach your child’s high school graduation. On one hand, you may be excited to shuffle them off to college and regain some time for yourself, especially if you’re about to become an empty nester. It’s okay to feel this way. You’ve worked hard to raise them to this point.

On the other hand, you may be dreading the end of this chapter. No more school events to attend. No more socializing with other parents at these events. Plus, your influence over your child’s choices will lessen. Yet, you’ll worry just as much and maybe more now that so many decisions they make will be adult in nature. Later in this article, we’ll cover how to prepare for your child’s transition.

Whether you shared a family pet with your co-parent before splitting up or acquire one after, it’s crucial to recognize that children often consider pets as part of their family. Dismissing this bond risks making your child feel like their feelings and priorities don’t matter to you. Further, when a child receives a pet as a gift, they view the pet as theirs, no matter which parent’s house they’re at.

While you might not have major pet-related conflicts with your co-parent, it’s wise to proactively address potential challenges rather than disregarding them as trivial or irrelevant. Here are some key considerations and strategies to help you navigate co-parenting when pets are part of the picture.

What is Parental Alienation

The National Association of Parental Alienation Specialists states that Parental Alienation Syndrome is “children rejecting a parent without justification.” This makes it sound like these kids just wake up one day and tell mom or dad they don’t want to see them anymore.

But is that how it happens? Not from my perspective.

Parenting is a territorial sport. Parents protect both their children and their rights to raise them how they see fit. So when it comes to the time a child of divorce spends with each parent, the schedule can be a huge point of contention.

But first, let’s clear up a matter of confusion. Custody and parenting time are two different issues. Custody pertains to decision-making authority—sole custody gives one parent full control, while joint custody means both parents share this power. Parenting time, however, refers to how time is allocated between parents, which can be unequal even with joint custody.

What do you do when all your co-parent does is spew negativity at you? How are you supposed to have a productive conversation with them? How will you two ever collaborate on anything?You may feel overwhelmed and helpless when it seems like every word coming at you is specifically chosen to maximize pain. If you’re like most people, your first reaction to negativity is to give it right back. After all, they’ve earned it, haven’t they? But if you do that, where is it going to get you? Are you going to finally convince your co-parent that they are wrong, and you are right? Unlikely!

Co-parents who come to me for co-parent coaching often ask me to help them resolve conflicts involving differences in parenting styles and difficulty agreeing on decisions surrounding the children.

To help parents get their arms around these concerns so they can be managed between them, I ask each parent to make three lists:

Finding love after a heart-wrenching breakup can feel like a breath of fresh air. You're ecstatic to rediscover your worthiness of love and eager to embark on your next chapter. But when you are a parent, the journey of blending a new partner into your family dynamic can be fraught with challenges.

So, when is it the right time to introduce your children to a new love interest? How long should you be dating? What do you need to know before you go down this path? How do you prepare for the introduction? Do you need to tell your co-parent? And how do you do that?

It is said that those involved with the family courts—domestic relations judges, guardians ad litem, parenting coordinators, and others—must always act in the best interests of the children involved. And certainly, that is easy enough to agree with given the fact that these court officers make life-changing decisions on behalf of these children.

But how do you define “best interests of the child”? Is there a uniform definition of the term “best interests”? I mean if this is the legal standard for making life-changing decisions for a child, shouldn’t the standard be objective and measurable? Yet, according to the U.S. Government Child Welfare Information Gateway (childwelfare.gov), “…there is no standard definition of best interests of the child.” They go on to state that “"Best interests" determinations are generally made by considering a number of factors related to the child's circumstances and the parent or caregiver's circumstances and capacity to parent, with the child's ultimate safety and well-being the paramount concern.”

Ah the Holidays. A time for joy, celebration, and… stress! It’s a challenging season for any family. Everyone talks grandly about beautiful holiday dinners, hours spent decorating together, shopping for gifts, and attending holiday parties.

But what happens if you’re a divorced or separated parent. For co-parents, the holidays serve up a full menu of stress. From the added challenges of dividing time with the children between two homes, to the pressure of creating those perfect childhood memories for your kids. So how do you get it right?

With a little intention and planning you can convert these challenges into opportunities for your family.

Divorce can be a challenging and emotionally charged experience for both parents and children. Amidst the upheaval, it's crucial not to let the pursuit of a child's passions and talents fall by the wayside. We’re talking sports, music, art, or clubs focused on more cerebral pursuits. Continued participation in such activities can provide your child with continuity they need in an otherwise changing world. It can also give them something positive to focus on and put their energy toward.

You’ve split from your child’s other parent. So what do you do when it comes to celebrating your child’s birthday? Just because you two aren’t together doesn’t mean your child stops having birthdays or that you no longer dream of giving your child wonderful birthday memories.

Do you want to give him a party or buy her a nice gift which would be easier if you both paid for it? Maybe you’re super busy with work and could use some help having a party with 20 rambunctious young boys or a slumber party for your tween girl and her 15 giggling friends. Do you usually celebrate birthdays with extended family? How do you pull that off now?

As we approach a new school year, parents begin to turn their attention to back-to-school thoughts. What school supplies will your children need? What clothes will they want? When will the house be quiet again during the late morning and early afternoon hours?

My son’s father and I separated in July right before our son started kindergarten. Many studies have shown that children of divorce often earn lower grades than their peers whose parents are still together. And beyond the divorce itself, this can impact your children in the long term as well. Just think about how important grade point average is to a high school student when it comes to getting into the college of their choice. One bad grade and the damage is done. I wasn’t about to saddle our son with the burden of our choices right as his academic career started. And you don’t have to either. Don’t let your child become an academic statistic.

Family vacations play a key role in building strong family bonds. Vacations give family members an opportunity to relax, reconnect, and set aside distractions so they can enjoy being together. Whether it’s camping, going to the beach, visiting an amusement park, or dedicating a week to a staycation where you all just spend great quality time together, children look to family vacations as a time when the parents are free of work distractions and more focused on them.

While teenagers may complain about being away from friends, scowl at activities they don’t think they’ll enjoy, and bury themselves in their phones, don’t be fooled by their aloof demeanor. These are the times they will remember for the rest of their lives. And that’s to say they will remember them when they happen and when they didn’t happen.

While collaborative co-parenting is on the rise, there are still too many parents who fall victim to parental alienation by their co-parent. Parents who are too hurt, too angry, or just too narcissistic to consider the wellbeing of their child over their own emotions go to great lengths to deprive both their child and their co-parent of the opportunity to build and maintain a meaningful parent-child relationship.

Are you a victim of parental alienation or constantly fighting with a co-parent to comply with your parenting agreement? Conflicts in co-parenting can be difficult to resolve. Especially if you feel like you are the only one trying to be cooperative. Yet are you certain you are doing everything possible to improve your circumstances and your parenting experience?

Last month, I introduced four strategies that will help you to minimize parental alienation.

As a co-parenting coach, I have some parents, particularly fathers, reach out to me for help because they feel they are being alienated from their children. There’s a lot of debate among family professionals over the term “parental alienation”. But as someone who has heard countless tales of moms (and some dads) who go to great lengths to build a wedge, if not a wall, between a child and their other parent, I can say for certain that whatever you want to call it, many divorced parents, mostly dads, are being deprived of having a relationship with their children because of the actions of the other parent.

Last month’s article addressed two of three obstacles to collaborative co-parenting that many parents struggle with. These obstacles are:

1. Being angry or emotionally hurt

2. Getting defensive

3. Competing for favor

We covered the first two obstacles in last month’s article. Now, let's address the last one…

Many parents living separately attempt co-parenting only to see their efforts fail. But why? For the vast majority of divorced and separated parents, their efforts to co-parent collaboratively don’t fail because they are bad parents, unwilling to give it a try, or want to ruin their kids’ lives. It’s because they don’t know how to overcome the obstacles standing in their way.

Back in 2019, I released my first book on co-parenting, Happily Divorced: A Journey Through Divorce & Co-Parenting by the Golden Rule. In contrast with Combative to Collaborative: the Co-parenting Code which would be classified more as a “how-to”, Happily Divorced is a memoir in which I shared with the world the choices my son’s father and I personally made throughout our co-parenting journey. I felt and still believe that sharing our story helps other divorced and separated parents to see that being happy parents and raising happy children after divorce is not only possible, but should be expected.

adapted from the book Combative to Collaborative: The Co-Parenting Code written by Teresa Harlow

Some people like their in-laws. Some hate them. And some simply tolerate them. When you split up, you have to face at what level the relationship with your child’s other family will survive.

If you aren’t very close or weren’t together long, it will be easy for you to disconnect from your former spouse’s extended family and vice versa. If you didn’t like each other, you may use the split as an excuse to eject them or they you from each other’s lives. If you liked your in-laws, you will be grief-stricken and may wonder if these dear family members are lost from you forever.